


Broken

by Ninja_Librarian



Series: Shidge Week 2016 [4]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Day 4: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Flashbacks, Lots of Angst, Mentions of Violence, Mission Gone Wrong, Protective Paladins, Shidge Week Day 4: Angst, Shidgeweek 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 15:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8107717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninja_Librarian/pseuds/Ninja_Librarian
Summary: Shiro laid shaking on the floor, his eyes still wide as he curled in on himself.
No… He thought. No… Not again. Please not again… Don’t want to fight again… 
----
A routine mission goes wrong when another ghost from Shiro's past appears.





	

The mission had begun well. It ended horribly.

It had started as a simple mission to infiltrate a Galra command ship to get information. It was something they had done dozens of times before, leaving a little more chaos for Zarkon in their wake and freeing prisoners before the ship got blown to smithereens.

And then they found another one of Haggar’s pets aboard.

It had grabbed Hunk first. Merely tossed him aside and crashing into Lance and Keith as they prepared to rush the monster, Keith having to quickly throw aside his activated bayard before anyone got skewered on the blade. But the monster had very little patience for the younger four Paladins, nor really seemed to be trying to hurt them. Completely ignored Pidge, who was trying desperately to get the data transferred faster so that they could leave faster.

The monster targeted Shiro.

Shiro… Who remained rooted to the spot, eyes wide and blank, jaw slack, muscles loose.

Shiro, who was experiencing a flashback.

He didn’t stand a chance as the monster grabbed him by the Galra arm and slammed him into the ground.

The monster held Shiro’s cybernetic arm in both of his hands, claws sinking into the metal as he quickly jerked it, bending the arm at an unnatural position, sparks popping and wires jutting out.

It was Shiro’s howl of pain that alerted the other Paladins what was going on, everything happening so fast.

The monster had sunk it’s large teeth into the metal as it was struck by several bolts of laser fire coming from Hunk and Lance, with Keith and Pidge jumping into action as soon as the long distance-weapons did their job. The bolts made the monster turn around to face Keith, leaving it’s back totally defenseless against Pidge, who knocked the monster out with her bayard with a sharp jab to the base of the neck.

Shiro laid shaking on the floor, his eyes still wide as he curled in on himself.

_No…_ He thought. _No… Not again. Please not again… Don’t want to fight again…_

_The monster came at him in the arena. He lifted the sword—his only defense, his only weapon—and dug his heels in, preparing to use the monster’s weight and height to his advantage._

_It was a strategy he had used many times—too many times—now, in these fights. He didn’t know what number this was. He just didn’t want it to be his last._

_But this time… It was different this time… This monster had nothing, no weapons at all. The guards always gave them something, even the ones who had more advantages in fights, with claws and sharp teeth._

_This monster fought differently, he soon learned._

_Many of the fighters went straight for his head, his torso, his legs, to strike at his sword with their own weapon._

_This one went straight for the forearm he had held up in front of his chest, holding the sword in its position._

Hunk carried Shiro to the Green Lion. Pidge kept looking over her shoulder as she flew Green, heart pounding with fear as Shiro remained quiet, though Hunk, Lance and Keith all tried to get him to respond.

“Hunk, how bad is the damage?” Pidge asked. “Can you tell how much we’ll need to replace?”

“Not really,” Hunk said. “He won’t let me see. He’s kind of hiding his arm?”

“Hey, Shiro, come on, bud.” Lance said, voice gentle and calming as he laid down on his stomach on the floor of Green’s cockpit beside Shiro. “Can you let us see your arm? Pidge and Hunk can’t fix it if they don’t know what’s wrong.”

Shiro didn’t make a movement or a noise, barely blinking as he stared straight ahead, his breathing ragged.

“He’s never had a flashback for this long.” Keith said with a frown. He reached out to put his hand on Shiro’s shoulder, evoking a whimper that made Keith quickly retract his hand.

“It’s got to be a panic attack, too, then.” Lance said, pushing himself up off the floor right as Green entered her hanger.

“Let’s get him in and comfortable,” Pidge said, jumping out of the pilot’s seat. She swallowed, wanting to do nothing more than curl up beside Shiro and whisper to him, make promises that everything would be okay, that he was okay.

But she had a job to do. A job to help Shiro.

“Lounge?” Hunk asked as he and Keith tried to gingerly transfer Shiro from the floor to Hunk’s arms.

“That’s usually where we do it.” Pidge said. “Let me get some of this armor off and get my stuff and I’ll meet you there.”

It would also give her a moment to clear her head and regain her focus for the task ahead.

“We’ll get him comfortable.” Lance promised Pidge, pausing to put a hand on the smallest Paladin’s shoulder. “Let him know he’s safe. Pillows, blankets, tea, some of the better tasting food goo, the whole nine-yards. Don’t worry. We’ll take good care of your boyfriend until you get there.”

Pidge nodded, knowing Shiro would be in safe hands, and grateful for Lance’s reassurances, even if he most frequently used the words ‘your boyfriend’ in a teasing manner. His attempts to be light-hearted worked wonders and Pidge felt some of the tension leave her body.

But it was still reluctantly that Pidge stayed behind in Green’s hanger to gather up the tools as Hunk carried Shiro out of sight.

_He wasn’t still quite sure how he won the fight. He wasn’t still quite sure how he was alive. He just remembered grabbing the sword with his left hand, howling in pain and beating the monster with the sword until finally the clamp of his jaws tightened before going slack._

_He was struggling to keep his eyes open. He had no energy to move, to get to his feet, to haul this creature off of him where it lay—either unconscious or dead he wasn’t sure—as the crowd cheered for the Champion._

_The guards eventually came and hauled the creature off of him. That was when he made the mistake of looking at his arm, to assess the injuries he would have to tend to later._

_His eyes widened at all the blood, at the torn and exposed muscle, the bones popping out of his skin, his hand completely crushed. The sudden inexpressible agony as the guards hauled him to his feet, resulting in him vomiting up what little was in his stomach. Shaking and crying and eventually collapsing to the dirt floor again, blacking out even as the cheers continued to roar in his ears._

“Alright, man, you’re good, you’re safe. We’ve got you.” Hunk said comfortingly as he lowered Shiro to the couch.

“Don’t worry about a thing, Shiro.” Keith said as he carefully removed Shiro’s helmet while Lance and Hunk started on the armor. “We’re going to take care of you.”

_“Do not worry, Champion.” The female voice crooned in his ear, as a long, cold, thin finger trailed across his face. “We are going to take care of you… Emperor Zarkon has many plans for you…”_

Shiro jolted away from Hunk, Lance and Keith, resulting in him falling off the lounge couch onto the floor with a scream.

“Shiro!” Allura cried out as she entered the room, seeing the Black Paladin on the ground, now writhing in pain. She ran over to kneel beside him then looked up at the other Paladins. “What happened?”

“He’s having both a flashback and a panic attack!” Lance explained as he and the other three Paladins tried to hold Shiro still.

“He’ll need a sedative.” Coran said grimly. “I’ll be back in a tick.”

“NO!” Shiro suddenly screamed. “DON’T TOUCH ME!”

_He felt everything before his eyes even opened. The cool metal against his bare back. The tight straps pinning down his arms and legs. The heat of the purple lights that were focused on him. Felt the bunched up fabric that had been stuffed in his mouth. He screamed into the gag. He tried to fight his way out of the restraints. He nearly blacked out as his movements sent waves of pain from his right arm throughout his body. His eyes widened as four hooded figures moved into his vision. Two of the figures on his right poked and prodded at his ruined arm, making him scream into the gag and tears streak down his face. On his left side, he felt fingers. Fingers on his wrist, his chest, his neck, his forehead. All pulse points plus over his heart, he realized._

_“His heart beats fast.” Said one of the figures on his left. “He bleeds so much.”_

_“Tighten the restraints.” Said one of the figures on his right in a snappish manner. “He keeps moving.”_

_“Sedate him. It will solve both problems.” Said a voice at Shiro’s head. He tilted his head back to see a woman with purplish-blue skin and long white hair jutting out from under her hood. He saw her smile as she traced a finger over his jaw, flinching at the touch. “Do not worry, Champion. We are going to take care of you... Emperor Zarkon has many plans for you...”_

_He saw the gleam of a long, sharp needle out of the corner of his eye, passed from one figure to the next. The figure gently prodded the crook of his arm before sinking the needle in, the other figure holding down Shiro’s arm while the figure at his head kept a firm grip on his shoulder as he tried to squirm._

_He whimpered weakly, breathing heavily, tears still rolling down his cheeks. He was in so much pain… He closed his eyes, waiting for the sedative to take its toll, praying he’d wake up again._

_But sleep never came. His eyes snapped open, wide with horror. He tried to move the fingers in his left hand. Nothing. Wiggle his toes. Nothing. Turn his head. Nothing._

_His breathing had slowed, though, he felt his heart slow as well._

_But the fear and panic that he felt was stronger than ever._

_“Begin the procedure.” Said the voice at his head. Shiro felt a hand grasp his upper-arm, holding it still while someone else tied something tightly around it._

_And he could do nothing but watch as a tray of gleaming metal tools was brought over, as thin, rod-like instrument was plucked up by a thin-fingered hand._

_He tried to shake his head, tried to do anything to beg them to stop._

_But he could do nothing but close his eyes and scream into the gag as the laser cut through his skin, his muscle, his bone, the veins and arteries, the thousands of nerves._

_When the pain became so much that he blacked out, he was grateful for it._

“Shiro, we’re not going to hurt you, you hear me?” Lance said, trying to make his voice soothing while yelling, trying to be heard over Shiro’s screams.

“HURTS! STOP! IT HURTS! PLEASE STOP!” Shiro wailed, sobbing with his face pressed into the floor.

“We know it hurts, we’re going to make it better.” Allura said, trying to run a hand through Shiro’s hair.

That was when he moved. Keeping his right hand to his chest, he pushed himself up and tried to swing his left fist, eyes wild as he did so. His punch did not land on anyone, however, and he only ended up sending himself crashing to the ground again, this time landing on his banged-up Galra arm, letting loose a howl of pain and fear as he launched into a fresh round of sobs.

Pidge’s eyes widened as this was the scene she walked into, tools dropping at her feet as she rushed towards Shiro.

“Coran went to get a sedative, but I don’t know if we’ll be even able to get it in him in the state he’s in.” Keith told Pidge.

“Guys,” Hunk said, his eyes wide and his voice quivering some. “You don’t think… That what we faced on that ship… Has something to do with how Shiro got this arm in the first place?”

“The way it grabbed him, the way it was focused on him, it makes sense.” Pidge said, heart breaking as she watched the man she loved lying so broken in front of her.

“If he’s reliving the past, we have to find a way to bring him back to the present.” Lance said.

“But he won’t even look at us, touching him just seems to make it worse, and he won’t listen to us when we try to talk to him.” Hunk said.

That gave Pidge an idea.

“Then let’s not talk.” She said.

“Then what should we do?” Allura asked.

Pidge took a deep breath to calm. A moment for the right words to come.

A moment to remember. A moment to pray that he would remember.

To remember the song that had she had seen her parents dance to so many times, to sing to each other as they did so. The song that had played at their wedding many years before they were ever Mom and Dad. The song that they had last danced to together at a ball hosted a week before the Kerberos mission launch. The song that haunted the house long after, the light jazz playing on repeat as her mother sobbed through her grief.

The song Pidge found themselves humming as she worked, the song she sang out-loud in the silence of the observatory room while homesick. The song that Shiro had inadvertently found Pidge singing one day. The song that he remembered Commander Holt humming and singing on the Kerberos mission, and later while imprisoned. The song Shiro had hummed to himself to try and keep his sanity once he was separated from the Holts. The song he remembered all the words to, that he and Pidge sang to each other as he twirled her about the observatory room.

The lyrics were still on their lips as they kissed.

“ _Fly me to the moon,_ ” Pidge sang. “ _Let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on a-Jupiter and Mars. In other words, hold my hand. In other words, baby, kiss me._ ”

As she sang, Shiro’s tears and screams stopped. Pidge took that opportunity to get a little closer to him, lying on her side beside him, gently putting one hand on his arm and the other in his hair. He flinched slightly, but the hysterics did not start again. Instead, he stared, fixated on Pidge.

“ _Fill my heart with song and let me sing forever more. You are all I long for, all I worship and adore._ ” Pidge sang, gently moving the hand that was in Shiro’s hair, gently petting and stroking, watching his face and eyes relax, blinking a few times almost sleepily. “ _In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you._

“Sing the last part with me, Takashi.” Pidge said, giving him a smile, bringing her hand out of his hair to stroke his cheek with the back of her fingers, brushing away half-dried tear tracks. “I know you know it. Sing it with me.”

He hesitated, mouth moving without making noise a few times before he slowly got out,

“ _Fill my heart with song. And let me sing forever more._ ”

Pidge’s smile grew a bit bigger and she continued to sing with him,

“ _You are all I worship and adore. In other words, please be true. In other words, in other words, in other words… I love… you._ ”

Pidge gently pulled Shiro to them, holding him as he buried his face into her shoulder.

“I love you, Takashi.” She whispered to him.

“Love you, Katie.” Shiro mumbled, voice muffled somewhat. “Love you, too.”

Pidge gently kissed him on top of his head, then looked up at Coran, who had returned with the sedative. She gave a small nod, keeping a tight hold on Shiro as Coran injected the sedative into Shiro’s upper arm. Pidge gave him another kiss, this time on the forehead, just underneath his bangs.

“Alright, Takashi, you need to go to sleep now, okay?” She whispered as he looked up at her, his eyes much older and more tired than ever before. She gave him a small smile. “I’ll still be right beside you when you wake up. But you need to sleep so that I can get you all fixed up, okay?”

She had been referring to his arm, but when Shiro smiled at her, the smile was very sad as he shook his head some, reaching his good hand up to touch her face.

“I don’t think I can be fixed, Katie, even by you.” He whispered, eyes drifting shut as his hand slid down her cheek, resting on her arm. “I’m too broken to be fixed.”

Pidge felt her teeth dig into her quivering lower lip, trying hard not to sob, trying hard not to jostle Shiro.

So, cradling Shiro to her, she cried quietly as he fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry. So so sorry.
> 
> The song is "Fly Me to the Moon" by Frank Sinatra.


End file.
